How I Really Feel About Lucas Scott
by angeldylan628
Summary: Set S4. Even after Brooke and Peyton have their falling out, Lucas is still oblivious to Peyton’s feelings. An English class and a supposedly confidential essay later, he realizes that their relationship is more complicated than he thought. COMPLETE!
1. I Hate Loving You

A/N: This is going to be a short four chapter story, my first non-oneshot for One Tree Hill. It's a Leyton. Very much one sided at first, but it gets better. Reviews are welcomed and encouraged! But if you'd just like to read it, that's cool too I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill.

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The assignment was not as earth shattering as one would think it would be. Write a creative essay about your first love. It was supposed to be a fluffy little piece that would help the English students of Tree Hill High better describe their feelings and emotions. However, while reading over the pieces, Mr. McHenry discovered that not all first love is fluffy.

Peyton Sawyer was one of Mr. McHenry's most intriguing students. The girl could write wonderful papers one day and half-assed work the next. If she was in a good mood, her work was terrible. Choppy sentences and no real emotion. If she was upset or brooding as some would call it then she transformed into Virginia Wolfe or Sylvia Plath. He never forgot the piece she wrote on her mother's death. He, a grown man, cried like a little girl when reading it. He felt the same way when he read her latest essay. It wasn't grammatically correct. There were fragments and run-ons. Sometimes her ideas tended to jump. But the most important part of the assignment was to make the reader understand what it was like to be in love for the first time. And Peyton did that. She hit the nail on the head.

And so what better way to explain to the students how to write these creative essays than to read them one of the best in the class. Anonymously of course. Unfortunately, even with anonymity anyone who really knew Peyton Sawyer would have a clue that it was hers. But Mr. McHenry really didn't know that at the time.

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**Lucas arrived at English class just before the bell. He slid into his seat next to Brooke in the back. His eyes covertly scanned the room for the blonde that had been avoiding him for the past two weeks. It would have been nice if he could have turned to Brooke and ask where Peyton was, but unfortunately, she would have scowled at him and ignored him for God knows how long. He understood that Brooke and Peyton weren't talking, but he wished someone would inform as to why. Whenever he asked Haley if she knew anything she would tell him he was the most naïve person she ever met and laugh at him. How was he supposed to take that? 

Lately, Peyton had been hanging around with Rachel and some of her friends. Rachel hadn't been the same after the accident. She pulled away from everyone, including Brooke and Mouth who had been trying to help her. Instead she found a group of shallow acquaintances who could help her take her mind off of the pain. At first, Lucas thought that Peyton was just another one of these acquaintances, but he soon learned better. Peyton leaned on Rachel and Rachel leaned on Peyton. Obviously they had something in common.

Rachel spotted Lucas's gaze lingering on Peyton's empty spot. She caught his eye and mouthed the words, "She's sick." He nodded his head in understanding. And Rachel rolled her eyes as she turned around. Lucas Scott was just so oblivious, even to his own feelings.

"Class," Mr. McHenry said clearing his throat, "You guys are still having trouble with these creative essays. I mean you've got the grammar, spelling and punctuation down, but where's the feeling? The point of this essay was to make me, a forty year old man, understand what kids your age feel when you experienced your first love. As a result, I've decided that today we will read one of your classmates' essays on their first love. It was the only really good one in the bunch." Mr. McHenry sighed and his eyes drifted over the room. He was kind of glad Peyton wasn't here. She would surely be uncomfortable hearing her thoughts read in front of the entire class. "Any volunteers to read?"

"I'll do it," Rachel said, her hand shooting up in the air. To say the class was surprised was an understatement. Rachel didn't volunteer in class. Hell, Rachel didn't even pay attention in class.

"Ok, Ms. Gattina, go ahead." Rachel stood up, fixing her super short skirt in the process, and walked to the front of the classroom. She cleared her throat and smirked when she glanced at the title. She had a feeling it would be this essay.

"That's Me Inside Your Head by Anonymous," Rachel began, "Mr. McHenry asked us to write this creative essay on our first love. At first, I didn't know who I should write about. How do you define love really? I could say it was the boy I lost my virginity to. I mean I obviously cared enough about him to give him something so special. I mean I'm no slut. Maybe I should say it's the boy who I lived with for four months. The boy who brought me out of some shitty places. But then, who put me in those shitty places? I would have to say my first love.

My first love and I never technically dated. But this connection was forged through friendship. I still remember the first time I ever saw him. We were only seven or so. My best friend and I were looking for a place to eat and I spotted this cafe. We went in and saw a boy about our age spinning his basketball on his index finger. He looked so depressed and so bored. Our eyes connected for a moment and I knew at that point this boy would be trouble.

It was weird how the next time we'd ever look eye-to-eye would be nine years later. I'd be driving recklessly looking for a cd. He'd be listening to his ipod dribbling a basketball. I almost ran him over. Looking back, maybe it would have been better if I had. His eyes swirled with mixed emotions. Fear. Astonishment. Curiosity. I could feel him reading me. I hate when people do that. So I pulled up my walls and told him to move out of the way. I could have sworn I saw him smirk at me. The little bastard.

As time went on, he slowly chipped away at my walls. I was too afraid that he meant anything more to me than a friend. If you let people get to close, they disappear. It's a motto I live by. I knew I really needed him and I thought if I kept him at a certain distance he might actually stick around. Here comes where my heart breaks the first time. He tells me he wants to be with me. I get upset. He hooks up with my best friend. I find out about it seconds after I tell him that I want the same thing he does. Obviously, I was wrong.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson, right? He wasn't serious about me. All his sweet words meant nothing. His caring ways were just a way to get into my pants. He was just like any other boy. But I fell for it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. And twice he did.

So, I tried to be content with just being his friend. I did need him and so what if he was dating my best friend? They deserved each other. Looking at that statement I don't know whether I mean that as an insult or a compliment. Anyways, they seemed happy enough. I just smiled and pretended that it didn't break me in two to see them together. Hell, my mom always said that you have to smile even during the bad times. It always looks up. Only this didn't look up. It just got worse and worse.

I let myself become the one thing I hated. The other woman. The home wrecker. It tore me apart watching myself. Being with him, it was so wonderful. His kisses lit me on fire. My lips would tremble when he came near and my eyes would sparkle feeling his hands on my hips or in my hair. It felt good. I felt complete.

But the timing was wrong. I know I let him go for the idea of being a better person. Maybe we could have tried later. I had that hope. Second time he breaks my heart. He sleeps with someone less than a week after I left him. Clearly he didn't feel the same way. I would NEVER, EVER sleep with someone else so soon after our break up.

Now, I hate him. A hatred so deep in my soul it rots away at the goodness I have left. He pushed his way into my life. Into my heart. He made me need him. And I allowed him. And I hate myself for that. Because I hate loving him.

He called me a mistake. He sees me suddenly as a lapse in judgment. An error. A miscalculation. A step backwards. The reason his innocence evaporated. Why doesn't anyone blame him? Why am I the one here suffering for his wickedness? When he plays with two women's emotions, turns them against each other, not once but twice? Why does he get to go free? Why am I looked at as a harlot and a slut? Why does my best friend hate me? He's the one to blame. He's the liar. The cheater. The manwhore. He's the one who broke us both.

What advice do I give to the girls on the brink of become women? What should I tell you to prevent you from the same heartache I have been dealt? Don't trust a sweet talker. He's full of empty promises. Don't trust eyes that seem to look deeper. While you may think they're looking into your heart, they're really looking at your chest, wondering how fast they can get their calloused hands beneath your shirt.

The syllabus says I have to answer this question as well: Do I regret my first love? Yes and No. Do I regret what he made me feel? The way he made me feel wanted and needed. The way his eyes told me he adored everything about me. The way his smile made my day just a little better. No. I don't regret that. I do regret that it was all lies. I do regret the people my love heart in the process.

A part of me will love my first love until the day I die. He's got my heart and no matter how many times I try I just can't get it back. I could run up to him and demand it, but then he'd think I'm crazy. Crazier than I am that is. I'm pretty sure he has no idea that I feel this way. This is the one thing I can hide. The one secret I've tried so hard to keep. I'm still not over my first love. As much as he denies me, I can't help it. I love him. It just feels like it's always going to be there. Me and him. Or maybe it's just me and my imagination." Rachel finished reading and let her eyes peak over the top of the paper. The entire class was looking at Lucas.


	2. Something Worth Fighting For

A/N: Hello all! Thank you for the great reviews. In this chapter, Lucas confronts Peyton...and it doesn't go the way he'd like. I hope I kept Peyton in character in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill.

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He ran out of there as fast as he possible could. Her words still echoing in his mind. He was on a mission. Find Peyton. Confront her about the essay. Fix their friendship. Figure out where his heart stood.

He was just glad that English was the last class of the day. He drove as fast as he could, his tires almost screeching as he came to a halt outside her house. He didn't even bother knocking. Just ran up the stairs knocking at her bedroom door when he reached it. She glanced up from her computer. When she saw him, her eyes widened for a moment before she forced them back to normal.

"Hey Luke," she said smiling sadly. Lucas wondered how he had never noticed how sad that smile was. How much pain she held back.

"Peyton," he said sitting down on the edge of her bed, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"I've been busy," she said shrugging, "Plus, Brooke isn't talking to me so that kind of makes it hard to hang out with you guys."

"Yeah, I guess," Lucas said, "I should have made more of an effort to see you."

"That's ok," Peyton said quickly, "I don't need your pity Luke."

"It's not pity, Peyt. I miss you a lot. You're one of my best friends." Lucas immediately cursed himself for using those words. Knowing now what he did, he couldn't miss the way her eyes flickered with disappointment.

"I miss you too."

"So," he said lying back on her bed. He was trying to be as casual as possible, but it was really hard to be casual when it came to this. "You missed English class today."

"I know. I had a doctor's appointment. Still getting over the flu."

"Ah, ok," Lucas nodded. Peyton shut down her computer and turned to him.

"So did I miss anything?"

"Well, we got our papers back," he said, "And Mr. McHenry read one out loud." A flash of worry passed over Peyton's features which she immediately suppressed.

"Oh."

"It was anonymous, but by the end, everyone knew who wrote it."

"Really?" Peyton said chuckling nervously.

"I wish you would have told me you hated me to my face. Hearing it in front of twenty other people kind of hurts." Peyton's face dropped and her cheeks turned bright red in embarrassment.

"What are you talking about?"

"Peyton, the whole class knew it was your paper. All of Tree Hill knows about what happened between us. And I happen to remember the first time I saw you at the café and about the time you almost ran me over with your car. I highly doubt anyone else had that happen to them."

"I wrote that essay thinking it would be confidential. I never meant for you to find out about that."

"So you were just going to go around pretending like everything was all right when it really wasn't?" Lucas's voice was rising now.

"Yeah," Peyton shrugged, trying to sound indifferent. The tears forming in her eyes told her otherwise.

"But you hate me!"

"And love you," Peyton whispered closing her eyes, "It really sucks actually."

"Who knew about this?" Lucas asked trying to ignore the pain in his chest he got from seeing her cry.

"Everyone had an idea I'm sure. The ones who definitely knew were Brooke and Jake. Brooke and I had our falling out because I still had feelings for you. Jake and I broke up for good because I accidentally mumbled that I loved you in my sleep when I went to see him."

"Brooke kept this from me?" he said incredulously. He couldn't believe that Brooke wouldn't tell him about something this big.

"She was probably worried that you'd come running back to me. She's paranoid ever since last year and I don't blame her for it. You broke her heart."

"And yours," he said.

"I don't need reminding Lucas," she said pinching the bridge of her nose, "Listen, that essay was written right after Brooke and I had that falling out. I was really angry and I'm sorry I said that stuff. It was wrong."

"See the problem is Peyton," Lucas began as he stood in front of her, "A lot of what you said was true. I mean I was the cheater. I did sleep with someone less than a week after we broke up. I came between you and Brooke. Worst of all, I did call you a mistake."

Lucas tipped her chin up so she would look at him, but Peyton looked away from his prying gaze. He was trying to read her again and she just couldn't allow it.

"But I need you to know that I did love you. I do love you. What I said to Brooke may have sounded like I was calling you a mistake, but I meant it more along the lines of the way I treated Brooke. I shouldn't have strung her along. I was in love with you and I should have told her that. Instead I let it all get tangled up and lost both of you."

"That doesn't help me Lucas," Peyton said softly, "Because I want to believe you, but I know that every word you say is empty. All you want is for everyone to like you. I'm sorry it doesn't work like that."

"I can't have you hating me Peyton."

"What's done is done. You can't change it." Lucas sighed and resumed his position on her bed.

"What about this summer?"

"What about it?"

"We were friends."

"I was a mess. Jake left. Some crazy lady was claiming to be my mom. I need someone to lean on. You could have been Charles Manson for all I cared. I just learned to suppress the pain you caused. And then Brooke came home and it all flooded back. And for Brooke, I stayed close to you so that I could make sure you didn't screw things up with her like you did last time. In the process, I hurt myself again. I was going to write about that, but I ran out of space. Lucky you, huh?" Peyton smirked.

"So let me get this straight? You don't want to be friends with me?"

"You sound so childish," Peyton said rolling her eyes, "I just don't think being friends with you is a good idea."

"I do."

"Well of course you do," Peyton said, "But being friends with you isn't enough for me. I'm in love with you Lucas and I can't watch you with Brooke without it killing me inside. So I just think it's best that we stay away from each other."

"Peyt," Lucas begged as she pulled him up and pushed him to the door.

"I think it's time you go, Lucas."

"One last question."

"Fine," Peyton sighed.

"Why were you so open with me just now?"

"Because I know it's the last time I'll see you here."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You're not in love with me. There's no other reason to come back."

"Look at me," he said. She obliged though her heart told her not to, "There's something worth saving here. I'm going to prove it to you."

"I know there's something worth saving Lucas," Peyton whispered her eyes not leaving his, "It's just not something you want to fight for."


	3. Where Does Your Heart Lie?

A/N:Ok, so funny story. I kind of cut off chapter three last night when I submitted it...yeah I'm an idiot, but I was totally exhausted...so if you read it before you missed a scene between Peyton and Rachel. It wasn't really crucial, but I just felt like I might as well add it in. So sorry for those of you who read the earlier version. Once again, thank you for all the wonderful reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill.

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Brooke didn't know how to feel. Listening to Peyton's feelings being poured out for the world made her suddenly feel so terrible. The anger was still there, but the sympathy was too. She never realized how much pain Peyton felt. How much she hated and loved Lucas at the same time. Those feelings were complicated and rooted, and Brooke couldn't help wondering if they even held a candle to the feelings she and Lucas shared. One thing was for sure. Things were going to change after today.

She slowly approached Lucas's house, a feeling of dread and anxiety seeping into the pits of her stomach. She didn't know what Lucas was thinking. What he was feeling. It just seemed like she wasn't ever allowed to know the answers to those questions.

"Hey Brooke," Karen said as she opened the door for the brunette.

"Hi," Brooke said.

"Lucas just got back. He's in his room." Brooke nodded silently and walked to his room, knocking as she reached to door.

"Come in," Lucas mumbled into his pillow.

"Lucas," she said as she opened the door.

"Hi." He looked like he was a mess, and it broke Brooke's heart. She sat down next to him on the bed.

"What's wrong, babe?" she said rubbing his back.

"She hates me, Brooke," Lucas said. He didn't care at the moment if Brooke hated Peyton. He needed her to understand how much Peyton meant to him, if only as a friend. Brooke did, surprisingly.

"Maybe she didn't mean it like that," Brooke said softly.

"She did. I asked her." Brooke's eyes widened.

"You went over there?"

"I had to," he said a little defensively, "I needed to fix things. Instead I just found out that she doesn't want us to be friends." Brooke immediately felt a wave of guilt flood over her.

"Is it because of me?" Brooke asked, "Because if it is I'm sorry-" Lucas cut her off.

"No. It's because she's still in love with me. But you knew that, right?" The last part came off a little colder than Lucas planned.

"Lucas, I-" Brooke began, but Lucas cut her off again.

"I just don't get how you could keep something so big from me." Brooke mulled over his statement. Why didn't she tell him? Maybe it was because she couldn't predict his reaction. Would he be angry? Confused? Or worst of all, happy?

"I didn't want to think about it," Brooke said honestly.

"You didn't trust me," Lucas said looking up at her.

"I trust you Lucas. I really do. It's just," Brooke paused to sigh, "I know that you two have a history."

"Yeah, well I just don't like being kept in the dark on these things."

"What difference would have made?" Brooke asked. Lucas shrugged.

"I really don't know at this point." Brooke surveyed him.He was so distant suddenly. It was tearing her heart in two.

"Lucas, I think we need to break up," she hadn't expected to say that, but the words just sort of tumbled out of her mouth. Lucas looked up at her in shock.

"We have one little disagreement about Peyton and you want to throw away our entire relationship! What the hell?" The anger in Lucas's voice made Brooke recoil a bit in fear.

"It's not that," Brooke said calmly, tears escaping the corners of her eyes, "We're drifting apart. And you're right, Lucas, I don't trust you. You won't let me in. Try as we might we can never fix our problems. We spend more time working on the relationship than enjoying it."

"I need you Brooke. Especially now," Lucas begged. His voice was much softer now. Brooke wiped some of her tears.

"I'll be here for you Lucas. But as a friend. I think you need that now more than you need an untrusting girlfriend."

"But I love you."

"And let's be honest. You love her too."

"We've been through this before," Lucas groaned in frustration, "My heart is with you."

"Are you positive? Lucas, if you can look me in the eye and say you know that for sure, then I will recant everything I just said." Lucas looked up at her. Was Brooke the one? He didn't know anymore. He could have told her he was sure. It was definitely the easy way out. But looking into her eyes, he saw the pain. He saw the frustration and the anguish. And this time for Brooke, he acted unselfishly.

"I can't tell you that," he said trying to hold back his own tears, "I'm sorry Brooke. I'm really confused." Brooke nodded glad that he was honest with her and yet heartbroken that this was how it was.

"You need to figure out what you want Lucas."

"Where does this leave us?" Lucas asked. Brooke bit her lip and thought about the right way to answer that.

"We're on hold."

* * *

Peyton stared at her walls. That was probably the most painful experience of her short life. Ok, well that was an exaggeration. Loosing both mothers was definitely more painful, but this was right up there. She had finally cut Lucas Scott out of her life. She had let him go. 

"Peyton," came a voice from the door. Peyton looked up to find Rachel.

"Hey Rachel," Peyton said trying to hide her tears. Rachel pretended that she didn't see them.

"So, I've got some bad news," Rachel started.

"Let me guess. Mr. McHenry read my essay in front of the entire class?"

"Who told you?"

"Lucas Scott," Peyton muttered.

"Oh," Rachel said, "He called you?"

"No he paid me a visit." There were a few minutes of silence, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable.

"So, what'd he have to say?" Rachel asked finally breaking it.

"He was sorry and that he did love me and a bunch of other lies I'm sure."

"Peyton, I-"

"Don't worry about it," Peyton said sighing, "I did what I thought was best."

"And what was that?"

"I told him we couldn't be friends anymore because I was in love with him."

"Why would you do that?" Rachel asked very much confused.

"Because I listened to the advice you gave me when we first talked about Lucas." Rachel stared at her blankly.

"I don't remember what I told you, but I hardly think you can blame me for that. I was on a lot of pain killers." Peyton let out a laugh before rolling her eyes.

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was yours. If not, it wasn't meant to be."

"Oh!" Rachel said nodding her head.

"But I'm pretty sure he's not coming back," Peyton said gloomily, "He's in love with Brooke."

"Only time will tell."

"Can you promise me one thing, Rachel?" Peyton asked.

"What?"

"Don't talk to me about Lucas or Brooke. I don't want to know anything about them."

"Sure thing," Rachel said, "So did you hear about the new bar they're opening on Main Street?" If there was one thing Peyton loved most about Rachel, it was the fact that she respected her feelings. Right now, she especially needed that.

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One more chapter to go! Lucas sorts everything out. And we get a happy ending...maybe. 


	4. I'm Ready to Fight, Are You?

A/N: Yes! Go me! I finished this story! I'm usually not good at finishing stories hence why I stick to one shots. Thank you for all the support and reviews. Also, in case you didn't know I accidently posted the cut off version of chapter three. Ok, so I'll leave it at that. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song Misery.

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_But ain't it true... it takes what it takes. And sometimes... we get too smart too late. One more heartache for me... another night in misery - _Misery by Pink 

**_Two Months Later_**

Miserable. Lucas Scott was absolutely miserable. For two months, he had been walking around like a zombie. Barely paying attention to anything anyone said. He missed Peyton. He really, really missed Peyton. At least when she was ignoring him, he knew he could just stop by her house eventually and figure things out. Or he could look at her at least without feeling wrong. Now, he couldn't even glance at her without his heart breaking. It had only taken him a week to realize he wanted her. That it was more than friendship he missed. It was like a piece of him was gone. He had been wanting to talk to Brooke and clear things up, but he was afraid of hurting her again. He really didn't know how she would react. So far, she had been sympathetic, but he wondered if that was just because she hoped he would choose her. What if he waited too long and Peyton gave up on him? What if he missed his chance again?

"Hey stranger," Brooke said softly as she entered the gym. It had been two months since they had officially put their relationship on hold. No one knew what was going on really. Brooke and Lucas included. But last night something changed all of that. Brooke knew they needed to talk about this now.

"Hi Brooke," Lucas said shooting another hoop, "How was your day?" Coach Whitey still let him shoot around in the gym as long as he didn't push himself too hard. The occasional shoot around was allowed.

"Pretty good, but last night is really what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What happened last night?" Lucas asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Well, you know how we all went to Theresa's party and then you and Nathan and Haley had to leave early?" Lucas nodded for her to continue. "Well, I sort of hung out with Mouth." When she didn't continue Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"Ok," Lucas said drawing out the word. He was wondering where this was heading.

"I kissed him and I don't regret it. The thing is Mouth pulled away and said that we shouldn't be doing that until I figure out what's going on between you and me. The thing is Lucas I really love you, but I feel like I should be with him." Lucas sighed. Surprisingly, this didn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

"I'm sorry Brooke," he said, "We should have addressed this sooner."

"It's ok, Luke," she said patting his back, "I was the one who was scared to move on. It's really comforting knowing you have someone there."

"I know what you mean," Lucas said. Brooke bit her lip.

"Just out of curiosity," Brooke said, "Who were you going to chose?"

"Peyton," he said simply, "I just didn't know how to tell you."

"Well, I'm glad I made life a little easier for you," Brooke joked elbowing him in the side.

"Hardly easy. I still have to convince Peyton that I'm serious about her."

"She'll believe you. Just be honest with her." They sat in a comfortable silence for a good five minutes.

"So," Lucas said finally breaking it, "I should probably go find Peyton." He was both nervous and excited about the confrontation. This would probably the defining moment of their relationship.

"I'm going to go find Mouth. Well that is after I talk to Rachel," Brooke said smiling mischievously.

"Rachel? Why Rachel?" Lucas asked.

"Don't worry about it. You just go have your little talk with that broody blonde of yours. And make sure you bring her scrawny ass to lunch tomorrow."

"What about Rachel? The two of them have been attached at the hip for the past two months."

"She can bring her too, if she must," Brooke said dramatically, "Later Lucas."

"Thanks Brooke."

"Don't mention it."

"Good luck with Mouth by the way."

"I think you need the luck right now more than I do."**_

* * *

_**

Peyton sat in her bedroom painting her toenails. It had been two months since she had kicked Lucas out of her life. Inside, she felt terrible. Her hatred of him was all but gone and replaced by longing heartache. She really had no idea what was going on between him and Brooke. Her friends, especially Rachel, knew that she didn't want to hear anything about Lucas or Brooke and so they didn't tell her the rumors. Those rumors were that Brooke and Lucas were no longer an item rather just friends, but so far no one could confirm or deny it. 

As Peyton dipped her brush to put the last splash of mango sun nail polish on her pinky toe, the phone rang. She pressed the speaker phone button, too preoccupied to deal with it.

"Hello."

"Peyton, it's Rachel."

"What's up?"

"I've got major news!" Rachel squealed, though it was very uncharacteristic of her to do so.

"Who'd you bang this time?"

"No one," Rachel said obviously disappointed to say so, "It concerns you."

"For the last time, I will not go out with-"

"Chill, Sawyer. This isn't another proposition from Tim. It actually concerns Brooke-"

"You know the rule, Rachel," Peyton said stiffly, "I don't want to hear about Brooke or Lucas."

"I'll tell you anyways. It's been confirmed."

"What's been confirmed?"

"Brooke and Lucas have been broken up for two months now."

"Sure," Peyton said rolling her eyes, "and Nathan and Haley got divorced."

"I'm serious, Peyton. Brooke has a new boyfriend. She told me herself."

"What?" Peyton said suddenly overwhelmed by the news.

"Brooke's dating Mouth. Can you believe it? Mouth! I'm so happy for them-"

"Wait, back up a second! Brooke and Lucas split two months ago."

"Yeah, but no one knew for sure until now."

"So, why is this good news for me, then?" Peyton asked as she wiggled her toes to dry them.

"Lucas is free."

"I'm hanging up now," Peyton said deadpan.

"Come on, Peyton! This is what you've been waiting for!"

"Listen we'll talk later. I need to soak this all in," Peyton said.

"Ok, call me!"

"I will," Peyton said as she ended the call. She took a deep breath. Lucas and Brooke had broken up. They were no longer a couple.But who's to say he did that because he wanted to be with her? Maybe they just ran out of steam. Maybe Brooke just broke up with him. And Peyton was Lucas's second choice. Before she had a moment to really collect her thoughts, there was a knock at her bedroom door.

"Come in," she said figuring it was her dad. She looked up from her desk to see Lucas. Well, maybe he had done this for her.

"Hey," he said somewhat shyly.

"Luke," she responded not looking at him.

"Your dad let me in. He wanted me to let you know he was going out for the night. He'll be home tomorrow morning."

"Eww," Peyton said scrunching her nose, "I don't want to know what he's doing." Lucas let out a little laugh.

"Me neither." They fell into an uncomfortable silence. She knew why he was there. He knew she knew why he was there. It was just getting to that point that proved tricky. Peyton decided to be the brave one.

"So I heard about you and Brooke."

"Oh yeah?" Lucas asked.

"Rachel called me and said Brooke's dating Mouth."

"Yeah, she and I have been kind of on hold for awhile."

"On hold?" Peyton asked confused.

"She said I needed to figure out where my heart was at."

"Ah," Peyton nodded.

"Guess where it was?" Lucas said smirking.

"Your chest," Peyton said dryly.

"Clever. Actually some blonde took it."

"Haley! No way!" Peyton said clasping a hand over her heart dramatically. She was trying to keep it light. She wasn't sure if she could handle a Lucas Scott love confession. But she had no choice. Lucas walked in front of her chair pulling her up by the hand.

"Peyton," he said seriously, "I took some time. I took two whole months to figure it out and I realized that you have my heart. What I had with Brooke was love, but it wasn't what we have. We have something much more complex. And I know you hate me, but I also know you love me at the same time. So if you're willing to forgive me, I would love it if you'd be my girlfriend." Peyton was sure this was a dream. She wanted to reach over and pinch herself to check if she was dreaming. Then, there was still a small part of her that felt like she should tell him no. How many times was she going to hurt herself over this boy? But then again, this wasn't any boy. This was Lucas Scott.

"This isn't going to be an easy relationship," Peyton said trying to buy herself some time.

"I know," he said cupping her cheeks with his hands, "I told you there was something worth saving and you were right two months ago I wasn't ready to fight for it, but now I am."

"How do I know that you're not going to regret this?"

"You don't know," Lucas said solemnly, "But I do. I know I won't regret it. All you need to do is say yes." He made it sound so easy. Just say yes. She could feel the word on the tip of her tongue. She opened her mouth and different words came out.

"I'm scared," Peyton admitted, "I can't handle you breaking my heart again."

"I will not hurt you again," he said sincerely. She wanted to believe him so bad, but wouldn't it be hypocritical if she did. After she realized that he was full of empty promises. But something was different about this time. Her head was spinning and her heart aching. She felt like she was going to pass out.

"It's up to you," Lucas said softly. Peyton bit her lip searching his eyes for some reassurance. She found an overwhelming amount of love and admiration there. Could they be lying to her again? Sure. It was possible. But right now, she was tired of running. Tired of regretting pushing him away. Here he was ready and willing to be official. No Brooke or Jake in the way. It was what she wanted for two years now.

Her face was a mere centimeters away from his, so close she could feel his breath on the tip of her nose. She smiled a small smile before tentatively lifting her lips to capture his. It was a soft quick kiss, just enough to give him his answer. She immediately pulled back and Lucas's eyes showed that he feared she might regret her actions, but her words said differently.

"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend," she said. Lucas immediately pulled her into another embrace, this one more passionate. Peyton slid her arms around his neck and pulled him extremely close. After a few minutes, they broke away, the need for oxygen depriving them of the passion they had been denied for so long.

"One more thing," Lucas said resting his forehead against hers, "Brooke gave us her blessing."

"Really?" Peyton said clearly shocked.

"She said she'd like it if you and Rachel joined us tomorrow at lunch."

"I think I can arrange that."

"They missed you. Brooke especially," Lucas said, twirling a piece of her hair in his hands.

"I missed them too," she said and then added playfully, "What about you? Did you miss me?"

"Every single day," Lucas said placing a small kiss on her forehead, "I love you, Peyton."

"I love you too, Lucas," Peyton sighed. "You have no idea how good it feels to say that without regretting it."

"I think I might have a small idea."

* * *

Peyton Sawyer looked around her lunchroom table. Nathan and Haley were talking animatedly about college. Rachel was making Brooke and Mouth crack up with one of her crazy hook-up stories. Lucas had his arm around her waist. Brooke caught her eye and smiled. 

"P. Sawyer," she said, "You should go shopping for prom with Hales and I."

"Isn't that like a month away?" Peyton said.

"Exactly. We need to make up for lost time," Brooke said. Peyton knew there was a double meaning to that. "Rachel you're coming with us, right?"

"Why not?" Rachel said. Brooke turned back to Mouth. Peyton and Rachel shared a smile.

"Looks like Brooke and you are on the right track," Lucas whispered in her ear.

"Yeah," Peyton sighed. Lucas pulled her closer and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. For the first time since her mother died, Peyton Sawyer could say she was truly happy. Life felt complete.

* * *

A happy ending for Leyton...I didn't know who to put Brooke with, but then I remembered I promised my cousin I'd finally give Mouth some loving. So there you go, cuz! I hope you all enjoyed it and it wasn't too cheesy! If it's not too much to ask, leave me one last review. 


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